The Dark Side

One evening in September, Jesse and I were listening to The Ramones while getting ready for dinner. I had just made an enormous vat of the best spaghetti sauce I've ever made in my life - and I've made spaghetti sauce quite a few times (before and since), as it's one of about 3 things I can cook with confidence. We had recently discussed our mutual desire to acquaint ourselves with the music of The Ramones - thus the new iTunes purchase playing in the background. I lit some candles while Jesse got the salad out. We broke out a $3.00 bottle of red wine and started in on a lovely, romantic, newlywed dinner. Not long after, the list of Ramones songs had played out and next in the alphabetical queue was... you guessed it: Randy Travis. We sat there eating as Randy sang his classic "Take Another Swing At Me," part of which goes:

Without your cryin', your cussin', and your moanin', home ain't home anymore...

It will tell you something about how September went around here that both of us recognized that line as prophetic. It was true that married life was great from the start, and true that Jesse and I did do many fun, adventurous things together. But it was also true that I hated my job and it was making me miserable. It caught me off guard how quickly and thoroughly that realization came to me - probably because beforehand I had been so busy with and distracted by wedding planning and preparation and anticipation.

This job dissatisfaction was so much more than just working for the weekend. I dreaded going to work - up to 36 hours in advance. So much so that I was having trouble enjoying even my days off. It did not take long to determine that what needed to happen was a job change, and fast. Resumes and cover letters were prepared, sent to friends for review, and submitted. A variety of jobs were considered and applied for. And no interviews were granted.

During this time I felt pretty depressed, though I only recognized and acknowledged it toward the end. At the same time I felt very silly for getting so emotional over something so trivial as a (transitional, somewhat temporary) job. Even so, I think it was important to accept even such a mundane trial as the legitimate and real struggle that it was for me. My friends (mentors/heroes) Carolyn and Matt wrote a few things that were very helpful and encouraging to me during this time.

There's clearly more to this, since it's November and I still work at the same place, but that's a start, I guess. More later, perhaps.


lj said…
Oh dear alexis. man do i know that pain of hating the transitional job (which feels like eternity :P) that comes with the ever-changing schedule, working weekends, tiring, difficult co-workers (well, for me at least), waking up and looking at my clock and feeling a great dread come over me...

i pray for perseverance and that you would continue to see Christ in it and be a light to those who surround you daily and that you would lean on His strength. love you.

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