More Questions

Yesterday, I shared some of the things I’ve been wrestling with as Jesse and I face a possible layoff in the coming weeks. Beyond the practical financial stability we might lose, there are some intangible things at stake, too. It is very discouraging, especially for Jesse, to have worked hard to learn his job and develop relationships with students only to potentially have it all dissolve again so quickly.

I wonder: Will Jesse be fully paid for the work he has already done? Or will he get reimbursed for things he has already paid for himself? Whose fault is all of this, will they be punished, and do they care? The people mostly responsible for the budgetary disasters have already resigned or been fired, so why doesn't that feel like enough?

If this job really does end in a few days or weeks, what was the point? Was it just for a few paychecks, or was there a purpose beyond that? Does anyone appreciate the effort he has put in or the actual concern he has for his students – something he carries beyond the 40+ hours of the ‘work week’?

If Jesse’s boss or students don’t appreciate him, does that mean his work is insignificant? And if Jesse doesn’t see the purpose in his time with those students, does that mean the time was actually wasted?

So many questions about justice, meaning, purpose. There aren't answers to most of these yet, but some things are getting clearer as I keep asking. I want justice, and I want explanations. But are most injustices ever truly resolved this side of the grave?
I also want Jesse to be appreciated and able to do meaningful work, but I often look for evidence of those subtleties in the wrong places. In my experience, it doesn’t work very well to rate the value of our lives, or our success in general, by other peoples’ outward reactions to our efforts.

I wonder why I keep thinking it will.


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